Thank you for giving me Grandfathers

My husband has given me a lot of things. From life lessons I was too stubborn to learn from anyone else, to two amazing sons, to a set of 3 oz Tupperware containers (which you have to work at an airport to truly appreciate.) One thing that he gave me, which caught me completely by surprise, was grandfathers.



Pap, with a favorite car in 1946

Let me explain. My mother's father passed away before I was born. My Father's father also passed away before I was born.  His mother remarried, and the only grandfather I knew growing up was his step father.  He lived across the country. Lived across the county in a time before the internet, and back when long distance phone calls were expensive. He passed away when I was 8. I loved him, but I did not know him well.

Fast forward to college. I met a boy, John Locke. It didn't take long to fall in love and start getting introduced to the family.  I met Uncle Ken Locke in 2003. We built a set together for a production of Godspell. I instantly loved him.  He was energetic, funny and clearly a little crazy.  I will never forget seeing him cutting metal with sparks flying all over the place and nothing to protect his skin or hair; only his regular glasses to protect is eyes. He was full of ideas, tips and a contagious laughter. By 2004, John and I were solidly an item. We saw Pap, John R. Locke, on a pretty regular basis. He was full of love, great one-liners and amazing stories. The two of them together were even more of a riot. Listening to them recounting the stories of their youth was enthralling.  The Locke boys were always up for adventure. Pap told heart warming stories about courting his first wife, Norma. (They would stay out late at a 24 café talking all night and smoking cigarettes.) Uncle Ken would tell stories about things he had built to solve any number of problems. (One example, he built nightstands with outlets in them so you could plug your bedside lamp, alarm clock or whatever you needed directly into the table.) Pap, an amazing man, had taken care of his first wife Norma after she lost her legs until he death.  When I met him he was caring for his second wife who was struggling with Parkinson's. Uncle Ken, had an inspiring marriage with John's great Aunt Phyllis full of love and based in a solid friendship. By 2006, when John and I got

 engaged, I was just as excited to tell Pap and Uncle Ken about our news as he was. Pap said that he was "real proud" of us. Uncle Ken said to John "It's easy if you pick the right one. I did, and I know you did too."  Two shining examples of excellent husbands, and both approved.


Uncle Ken and Aunt Phyllis
celebrate their engagement

Uncle Ken passed away in Nov 2011.  I remember our last visit. Colin (then 8 months) sat on his chest and cuddled away.  I was so pleased because Colin was old enough to be a handful by then.  A good crawler, and from time to time shy around people who were not momma or daddy. Still, Colin sat there and connected with Uncle Ken in way I know Uncle Ken wished he could connect with his own great grandchildren if they lived closer and could see each other regularly. He was tired, but still had a spark. He told us he loved us, and I knew he did. He did not love me out of obligation to John, his great nephew, but because he took the time to get to know me and accept me fully as one of his own.

Pap joined him in Heaven Feb 9, 2014. My last visit with Pap was similar. We brought him a book to listen to on an All-in-1 mp3 player. He was touched, and thanked us very genuinely. The boys, Colin (now 2 years old), and Andy (1 year) were happy to see him. Colin wanted to play with his bed (which had lots of buttons and made cool noises), and Andy looked excitedly at Pap's pictures and airplane mobile. Pap told us he loved us, and he was proud of us.

It meant a lot to me, to make him proud. He loved what a hard worker I am. He was a business owner and valued hard work and dedication. We would commiserate about how difficult it can be to find good employees, and about the details of book keeping. (After he retired from the service center business, he worked keeping books at his church). He had valuable input. He taught me if you get two different numbers when you are double checking a summation, and the difference of those two numbers is 9, it means you inverted one of the numbers. (Pretty cool right!) We talked about new technologies, he was always ready to learn new things, even if he wasn't interested in using them regularly. He was proud of me for choosing to stay home with our children. He told me I was doing it right. He loved my boys. It was another expression of love for us too. Our sons being named after him and Uncle Ken is one of our expressions of love to him.

When I look back at these things, when I look back at this time we had, I realize I knew Pap for 11 years and Uncle Ken for 8 years. Longer than I knew my own "step" grandfather. I saw them often. I had the chance, the completely unexpected chance, at the age of 21, to gain not one but two grandfathers.  Both of whom loved me.  I got to enjoy grandfathers as an adult. When I could sit and listen to their stories, and appreciate and enjoy them.  When I could share with them my grown up accomplishments.  When I could understand things which they experienced (like polio and war). It was such an amazing blessing.

For me, the loss is bittersweet. I only feel this sorrow, this missing piece of myself, because I had the chance to love them. It was worth it. I am so thankful for this opportunity. I am so blessed. I can't repay my husband for this, but I can say thank you. Thank you for giving me Grandfathers.

"So much of me, is made up of what I learned from you. You'll be with me like a handprint on my heart." Rest in Peace John Robert Locke. I will miss you Pap, but you will always be with me.