Time controls us. It dictates what we do. It demonstrates what is most important to us. There is a vocabulary of time. We apologize with, "I just need to do this real quick," "This will only take five minutes." We commiserate with one another saying "Not enough hours in the day," or "I'm running a little late." When we are looking forward to something we say "I can't wait" or "It goes by in the blink of an eye" We break down our routines and activities into compartments of time. Shower=10 mins, Getting ready= 30 mins, Workout= 40 min, Mass=1 hour, TV show=1 hour. We know how long it takes us to drive to places we go often; how many minutes to the store, to work, to our family and friend's houses. Minutes are the building blocks of our life. We know the value of our time. We know it is precious. We know it is fleeting. And yet, it drags. We try to find ways to "kill time." Call to your mind the last ten minutes of work on a slow day. Seems like an hour, right? People say every moment is precious, but realistically we all have several moments a day that we do not treasure. For example, I have changed 5 poopy diapers this morning. I did not treasure ever second. It is this juxtaposition I find so interesting. Where and how do we find balance?
Let's stop saying "real quick." There are few things that you truly want to do real quick. It certainly is not the most effective way to do things. It only serves to make you feel like you are racing the clock. Everyone knows that there are a number of tasks which need to be completed. If you need to finish one of those tasks just give a realistic time estimate. Don't say "I just have to shower real quick" Try "I need about 10 minutes to take a shower." Don't say "I need to send this email real quick" Try "I need to send an email, it won't take longer than 5 minutes." Sure it does not actually create more time, but really who wants to feel like they are always rushing to complete tasks "real quick"?
If you are a person who is late to things, this thought may help. It sounds simple, but here it is. Have a realistic idea of the amount of time it takes to do things, and continually make adjustments. You need to know how long it really takes you to do your hair. Time your self. Maybe it used to take you 10 minutes, but now you have a new hair do and it takes 20. I had an employee once who was late to work at least 3 days a week. Sometimes by a few minutes, sometimes by 15 minutes or more. At her yearly review, we discussed this problem. She explained it was not any one thing that made her late. Sometimes it was traffic, sometimes it was parking, sometimes it was the line at security. On days she was on time, all those things went smoothly. Unfortunately, those things were out of her control, and she just didn't know what she could do about that. I smiled and said "Have you considered leaving your house 15 minutes earlier?" It was like a light bulb turned on. She was not thinking of it that way. She was thinking "It should take me 20 minutes to get to work" and would stress about all those variables that were making her late. It was really frustrating to her and to me. After our talk she adjusted her time, it takes 35 minutes to get to work. All the sudden, she was usually on time. a couple days here or there she would arrive 10 minutes early. Those days she would chat with the lady at the store across from us, stop and grab a snack from the food court, or just clock in and start a few minutes early. She was less stressed and I was happy. Personally, I have learned to add and additional 15 minutes onto my travel time now that I have two kids. Used to take me 10 minutes to get to church. If I left the house at 9:20, I was there by 9:30. Now I have to leave at 9:05. Here is the beautiful thing, if you leave a larger amount of time and everything runs smoothly, you have extra time. Like magic, time you did not think you would have. Pull out that smart phone and check Facebook (or read an actual book), call your mom, paint your nails, tidy the kitchen, play some peek-a-boo! Whatever you want it is FREE!
If you can get a good grasp on how long things take you, you can figure out how much time you have to do everything. I started keeping a schedule. Not just a schedule, it is The Schedule. It sounds crazy, but I put EVERYTHING on it. My husband's work schedule, times to complete housework, doctors appointments, play dates, swim classes, gym time, church, Mary Kay time, etc. It sounds super Type A, but here is why I like it. I start to find little pockets of free time. I get to see what my free time is, and I get to choose how I spend it. I am determining what is most important to me and dedicating my time to it. Things don't just get done. We don't just think, "Oh I would love to do more for my community" and then magically we are volunteering regularly. If it is not important enough to me to schedule it, then it probably isn't going to get done. If I want to watch the Football playoffs, I put it on The Schedule. If I don't, there is a good chance that time will get sucked up by other activities. We need a plan. Winging it can work. You can get by, but we are dealing with our valuable time here. Just getting by is not enough. When I "wing it," I feel like my free time gets sucked up by Facebook, or TV or any other number of meaningless activities. Our lives, our time cannot be balanced if we are reacting to whatever needs to be done, then recovering from the chaos by vegging out on the couch. We need to be proactive. Take laundry for example. I mention laundry because it is a huge task that I hate to do. I have a tendency to avoid it, and then spend a ton of time catching up on it when my family runs out of clothes. Maybe it is something different for you, but for me the biggest chore I need to schedule for is laundry. If I schedule it, I don't have to spend my entire Saturday washing and putting away laundry because, by Saturday, it is done. I can schedule four 10 minute steps into each day. In the morning after I get ready before the boys are up I gather laundry & take it down stairs. Step 2, After breakfast, run downstairs put a load in the wash. A lot of the time we are going out at this time of day, so I can do it as we leave the house. Step 3, before lunch (usually as we return to the house I move the load into the dryer. Step 4, at the beginning of nap time, I fold(usually while enjoying some show I have on my DVR) and put away. It doesn't take long because it is only one load. Just like that, my Saturday is Laundry free. I don't leave chores for time I want to spend hanging out with my family, doing something creative or enriching my mind or spirit.
Don't get me wrong, I don't have it all figured out. But I am getting better. I want to have actual quality time. Time that I am spending the way I choose. Time to spend bettering my self, bettering my relationships, and creating memories. So much of our time must be spent doing things like working, sleeping, eating and doing meaningless tasks. We need to claim our treasured moments. We need to sift through all the "have to's" and rescue the "get to's" from the ashes. As a SAHM, I love the saying "The days are long, but the years are short." There is so much good stuff to hold on to. I, for one, do not want to squander those moments on laundry and Facebook.
SIDE NOTE: I LOVE Facebook. I mean LOVE. I just don't want it to be a time sucking black hole! Everything in moderation.
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